Apparently only Frank Sinatra can sing "regrets I've had a few but then again to few matter" or words to that effect. Me, I go to bed each night saying I'm sorry to somebody from my past, every night, every damn night.

They say what goes around comes around but I was not expecting it to keep coming around. I hate most of what I did in the past starting around 1968. It took me years to see that my past was built entirely on the word "my" (ironically I must use the word to define the problem "my past"). Be that as it may. My failures and more can be attributed to my selfishness for years and years. I made it around thinking I was happy because all my immediate gratification needs were met 99% of the time, but when you buy your daily dose of immediate gratification it's always at somebody else' cost. It is those people I send a very sincere apology to every night just before I pray for forgiveness.

Now I don't want you to think I run down a list of names every night to apologize. No, it's more like my mind has to go through a vivid memory of something regrettable before I can turn it off enough to sleep. I do eventually get to sleep and the next morning I can generally get through my routine without saying "I'm sorry" to somebody in my mind.

I get through every day usually just fine without re-running any bad memories through my head and work is a great distractor. I cannot deny that sometimes I do not look forward to bedtime but hey, it could be worse.

My next writing I may need to look at the possibility that all those people I hurt (emotionally, never physically) way back when, may in fact own what they own just as I own what I own. Seems kinda wrong thinking but maybe not.

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